lullula: (bob!)
[personal profile] lullula
I would guess most of you already know this, but I keep a pretty low profile on the 'net. I'm active, but I'm not very out-going. So when I post feminist stuff, or angry stuff or possibly-controversial stuff, I'm pretty much never going to get a huge reaction, especially since I surround myself with people who believe the same/similar things to me, y'know? We might disagree with some things and on specifics, but in general, we're all working from the same page.

So I am really not used to hate and trolling against me.

And yet, a couple of days ago, that's pretty much what happened.

It started when a blog I follow on Tumblr posted this image:

There was some commentary, but it wasn't great, except for the sensible guy who posted this:
"This has happened to me loads but can I just say this, sometimes girls don’t like guys and no matter how compatible you think you are it’s not going to change. Don’t blame the girl for how her feelings are, I’m pretty sure it’s not only men this happens too."

I reblogged it and added this:

"Golly gee, you poor, hard done by men! You are just so awesome (and absolutely not: arrogant, boring, ugly, narcissistic, whiny, passive-aggressive, over-bearing, needy, clingy, willfully idiotic) and how dare all the women in the world not fall at the floor in worship of your dick. How hard life must be for you.

I mean, you’ve spent time with this woman! You’ve graced her with your physical presence and you’ve fooled her into thinking you’re a valuable friend! That obviously means she should get on her back and let you plough away at her, whether or not she is attracted to you is immaterial! You deserve sex! It is totally ok to ignore the woman’s feelings in this situation, because god damnit you want sex!

And until you get it, you are going to shame your ‘friend’ and show exactly why no reasonable human being would fuck you, you ignorant, entitled, immature pig."

Which... I still stand by. I probably could have clarified that I don't think all guys are like this, that the picture is shitty against men who are genuinely just interested in being friends, that I was talking about a specific brand of guy, but to be honest, I'd expected most people to infer that through common sense.

Well, anyone, the blog I reblogged it from in the first place then reblogged it from me, with just my commentary. His blog is a lot more popular than mine, so I was pretty wary, but I figured most people are familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome, so it wouldn't be a big deal.

How wrong I was. The note count went up and up and up, and people were already calling me names. 'silver dumbass' being the mildest. I also got, 'cunt alert', 'feminazi', and someone pulling apart my blog intro. But! I can ignore the notes! Most of them don't appear on my dash, but I did reblog one, which you can read here (if you're not familiar with Tumblr, it goes: picture, my initial response, their reply and my reply to them).

So then! People started coming to my Ask Box (messaging system on Tumblr).

OMG shut the fuck up. that post was a joke and you desided to find shit that isnt there. this is why ill never label myself a feminist, seriously. i cant even take you guys seriously. all of that shit you wrote, i never once thought thats what the original post try to convey. and you just go around saying OMG *insert femenist crap here*. i guess once thing that goes with being a feminist is haveing to lose your sence of humor. My reply is at the link.

Men, otherwise nice and kind, wrote that because they were tired of seeing girls they fall for go for someone else they feel is not right for them. idk i thought it was funny and i didnt go looking for any underlineing meaning because there wasnt any. Again, my reply is at the link, but really? I still don't get this message, why were they defending these guys, who had apparently stopped being 'nice and kind' to make this. WTF. Winwhal is a friend on Tumblr and she replied with this: I can think of a good way to respond, if you don’t mind. It’s not the guy’s right to decide who he thinks is best for a girl to date. It’s /her/ decision and hers alone. Just because you ‘fall for’ a girl doesn’t mean you own them or their free will..

And then this came: I'm confused why you think that "is interested in" means "wants teh sex." I feel a more apt criticism would be that "why is it usually just men being represented like this," but instead you go off on rape-culture and misogyny, when this picture is really just guys lamenting the fact that the girls they like (for legitimate reasons) aren't interested in them (for a legitimate relationship, which is what most guys want), and the ironic circumstances that often surround such a rejection. And once again, you can read my response at the link. Is 'interested in' meaning 'want to fuck' really such an uncommon euphemism?? Really? No one's come across it before?

This was the last anon that I published, and it actually really pissed me off because ugh, way to be patronising:
I kinda agree with anon. Why do you assume that the men were only after sex? maybe they are just talking about a relationship? Two wrongs dont make a right. You can read my response, yet again, at the link.

When I got a message just saying 'fucking feminazi', I decided that I couldn't take any more anon messages. Normally I leave anon messaging on because I get some genuine questions and nice things that way, but ugh, can't handle trolls.

Then I luckily had quite a few friends send me supportive messages, and if you want to read some astute comments on Nice Guys, then they're here, from Hellen [this is actually just an ego boost to me, haha], and here, from Mausii and this message from Cimness, and here from dorkery and lastly this one from glamour-ghouls.

So that's what happened when I was awake, and I went to bed conflicted - I'm not normally fussed about people being mean to me, especially when they're insulting things that I believe in because y'know, I'm not gonna change my beliefs because someone swore at me. However the amount of attention and messages... I'm really not used to it.

I'll be honest, it was a bit upsetting. I can't really comprehend why people would disagree with me about this? I still don't think I'm wrong, but yeah...

Still! I've just checked the notes again (warily), and there're a lot more people agreeing with my sentiments and the people who reblogged me and added to what I said. So that's actually a relief, but yeah.

My very first encounter with trolls specifically going against me, and I survived! No flouncing or anything.

Also, sorry for making everyone click the links to see my responses, I just didn't want to paste yet more text into this entry.
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September 2014

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